Seems I'll live a while longer

Since moving to California, other than enjoying the beach, ocean, sun and the host of things to keep yourself busy, I feel like I've done nothing else but work and spend my time running to get blood work for an upcoming doctors visit.  Multiply that times 4 and it gets exhausting.

I have my internal medicine, specialist, nephrologist and a cardiologist.  Add sonograms and echo cardiograms to my monthly routines.  Needless to say, I'm done with doctors.  Being new to the area and with my doctor, he wanted to clear everything up, get opinions from others and make sure we had a plan before moving forward.  Hopefully, we've cleared most everything up and my life can get back to a sense of normalcy.

Overall, I'm healthy.  My counts are all great.  My cholesterol is the lowest it's been, although we've doubled my medication to get it even lower.  My triglycerides aren't great, but still, way lower than my average.  I'm taking steps to help lower this as well and hope to see the results in a month or so. 

Blood sugar looks perfect.  He says I'm keeping the diabetes under control.  I still miss my cupcakes.

My kidney functions are off, but holding steady.  I'm stage 4 chronic kidney disease which sounds awful, but nothing critical. My nephrologist doesn't need to see me often anymore and checks on me every 6 months.  I take that as a good sign. 

I still have a fatty liver, but hopefully making changes to correct this.  Time will tell.  Doctors don't seem to concerned as initially thought.

I had an echo cardio gram last week to see how my heart is functioning since heart surgery.  The results came back amazingly well.  I don't understand all the fancy terms he was reading off to me, but he said that my heart if functioning perfect with amazing results.  This made me happiest most of all and gave me the most anxiety until I heard the results.  I don't want to have to go through any sort of heart surgery again if I can help it.

He was taken back a bit when I told him I quit Xanax cold turkey.  He then remembered that he didn't explain to me how or when to start.  He gives me a gold star for going through that though.  He admits he should have discussed in detail with me on what to do.  I'm still feeling some of the results of quitting.  Mostly, I can't sleep and have this underlying mild anxiety that hasn't gone away.  I'm increasing another med to help with this and also going to take a mild sleeping pill to help my brain shut down so I can sleep longer then 5-6 hours a night. I feel like I'm constantly tired.

To top things off, I've lost 10 pounds.  I'm not crazy about it, but the doctor said it was helpful but I could gain it back if I like as long as I'm eating healthy in doing so.

I miss my loaded cheese fries from Snuffers.

To sum things up, my body is a mess, but I'm dealing with each thing as they come.  I can't sit around and stress about it.  I can only make changes to make things better.

I miss being 21 years old. 

Happy Anniversary punkin'

Three years ago on December 5th, my future husband and I headed to city hall to get our marriage license.  It took a total of only 4 minutes and we walked out with our license.  It was the beginning of something very special, that concluded in one of the most magical weddings and experiences I could have ever imagined.  Standing next to the man I love more than anything in this world and surrounded by our wonderful family and friends.

We started our journey 11 years ago. It was a complicated relationship in the beginning.  But the love we felt almost immediately has notlessened at all.  It was one of those love at first sight situations, where we didn't want it to end and we both knew there was no going back.  

I'm a very lucky man.

We used to talk about marriage some over the years, saying that it wasn't for us.  I honestly think that the political atmosphere and it not being legal, dampened our hopes, because when the state of California passed marriage equality, we decided that it was something we wanted to do.  Only a few months after our marriage, did the law of the land change and it was legal everywhere and would be legal back home in Texas.  

We were lucky enough to be given a Disneyland Fairy Tale Wedding at the place we love the most.  It's a weekend that I will never forget.  After months of meetings, phone calls and paperwork, our weekend finally came.  We were again lucky enough to be surrounded by so many family members and friends.  Around 80 people total, which is quite a lot for a destination wedding.  

I think getting to go to Disneyland probably helped. 

We had the best Disney Wedding planning team that made the entire experience leading up the wedding seamless.  The day of the wedding went so smooth, you really didn't have to do anything but show up at the right time.  Our photographer and videographer were the best.  They both captured our day perfectly. 

I always worry about my memory and losing the details of that amazing weekend.  I'm always going through photographs and watching our video over and over, so I don't lose anything.  Ever year that passes, I want to make sure that I'm not forgetting a thing.  

I relive the day as much as I can.

Happy Anniversary punkin'. 

Holidays

Back in Dallas, the holidays were a very special time of year.  We spent a lot of time with family for Thanksgiving and we went out separate ways during Christmas to each spend with our respected families. We occasionally had a Christmas party, and spent the month decorating every inch of our house, having dinners with friends, lots of shopping, exchanging gifts, driving around to see the lights. 

It was a very festive time of year with friends and family and we had such a wonderful seasonal routine that I loved.

We knew that moving to California, would provide some challenges around the holidays.  No longer are we able to fly back for Thanksgiving since a month later, we have Christmas.  We have to make choices as to which holiday we would miss.  I know that from my standpoint, I can't miss a holiday home with my Mom and family, even though now a days there's only a handful of us that come back.   Steven's the same why.  It's tough missing a Christmas away from family.

Maybe when we're both rich, we can afford to go home both holidays. 

Thanksgiving was our first taste of what the holidays would be like here, at least for now.  We had a few offers to go to friends houses for dinner, but we decided that this first year we would just stay at home.  Next year we can talk about who's house to visit.  We headed to the local Von's Deli and picked up some already prepared turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and rolls.  It took us 15 minutes to heat it up and the clean up even less.  Although we missed the full day of cooking (don't miss the hours of cleanup), the dinner was good and we enjoyed just relaxing. 

Still, it wasn't quite the same.  Luckily, we had my husbands parents and best friend in the weekend before, so we got to spend some quality time with them. 

Christmas is a whole other story.  Now, money has to be saved for flights home, time has to be taken off from work, dog has to be boarded and even the gifts we buy have to be able to fit in our carryon, or we have to ship them all to our destination.  Everyone's getting tiny gifts or gift certificates.  They travel well. 

Our house is usually decked with multiple trees, garland everywhere and every flat space has some sort of holiday stuff.  It looks like Christmas threw up in our house.  We enjoy taking a few weeks in November getting the house ready and showing off what we've done.  We take pride in what we put together and enjoy the decorations for as long as we can.  This year?  We put up one Disney tree in the living room, covered in all of our Disney ornaments we've collected over the years.  The tree makes us both happy. 

We're renting for now, so it doesn't feel like home.  As much as we've tried to make it a home, it's not ours.  It's much smaller than we're used to, so we don't have the room to put out all we want.  It's tough with so much stored away to even find anything.  I think all of this has put a damper on our holiday spirit. 

We have a full month ahead of us, so I'm hoping we can start some of our own traditions and make this place feel more like home during the holidays.

First Weekend in Palm Springs

It's been about 15 years, but I've been able to visit Palm Springs a few times.  I remember it always being such a fun place to visit, with very friendly people, great restaurants, fun bars and a city with such a rich history, including so much mid century modern, which is something we both love so much.

Thanks to the generosity of a very good friend, we had the use of his gorgeous house and pool.  We couldn't have asked for anything better.  Although, we found our first visit to PS spending most of our days and nights out in the city. 

We weren't home 30 minutes before we headed out to a restaurant that I ate at before called Blue Coyote Grill for some really good Mexican food and margarita's.  Even when we're out of town, we still have to have our Friday M&M.

We walked down Palm Canyon and headed to Tonga Hut, a local Tiki Bar.  Although not as immersive as I'd like for my Tiki Bar's, they had great staff and drinks.  I found out after the fact, that they have this secret room.  All I was told, was to go into the phone booth.  If we only had the chance to go back during the weekend and check it out again to find this hidden room.  There's three Tiki Bar's and somehow we only made it to one.  Good thing we plan on coming back.

After one cocktail, we headed to the gay bars and checked out the Toolshed, but once we found out that Spurlines had Showtunes night, headed there for a night of singing to our favorite tunes.  The whole nightlife reminded us of the bars and our time in Dallas in the '90's.  Such a great time.

Saturday was spent having breakfast at Cheeky's which was pretty good if you don't mind a very long wait.  We then went shopping along Palm Canyon Drive, spending more money than we expected.  So much stuff we wanted. We settled for new sunglasses! Again....

 We had reservations at Tropicale that night for dinner.  Reminds me of an old 1960's supper club, without the live music.  Amazing american food, great cocktails and the waitstaff was wonderful. It's also blatantly obvious place for gay men to hang out for dinner.  We took up half the restaurant.  

We ended the night with more showtunes at QuadZ, then headed home so we could be up early for our last day.

We had no plans on Sunday, so we headed to the Tramway for a trip up the San Jacinto Mountain range.  Steven does not like heights, but he did good. All the anxiety was totally worth it he said, once we got up to the top to see all the gorgeous views.

I fell in love all over again with Palm Springs, and Steven fell in love with it for the first time.  

We'll definitely be back.

Max

This blog was created to be a place to document our lives in California.  Although, I'd like all posts to be about our fun new adventures, life doesn't always play fair.  Have to share the good with the bad.

Losing a pet is difficult.  To be honest, it's painful as hell.  For most of us, it's like losing a member of your family, as these little fury bundles of joy are your family. 

Last Tuesday the 3rd at around 9:30pm, we lost our Max to what the vet believes to have been a stroke, that took his live within minutes. 

It's been almost a week and I can now talk or think about him without breaking down and crying.  I slip up and call Oberon, Max or I see his food/water bowl that's been moved to the garage and I get choked up.  We go for a walk with Oberon and I don't have Max on a leash.  We went to the dog beach and dog park with Oberon, and Max wasn't with us.  That's when I have my most trouble.  I still hear his nails clicking on the floor, his grunts and groans as he lays down, or his constant heavy panting.  It's all in my head, but at times I swear I hear him.  I know all of this won't be going any anytime soon.

I haven't had many pets in my lifetime.  We had family dogs growing up, but they were outside dogs that were mostly my fathers.  My brothers and sister had dogs, but I never got close to any of them.  My first dog all to myself, was a beautiful Chow named Church.  I only had him a few years.  He died of heat exhaustion one hot summer afternoon.  That day nearly crushed me.  Recovering from him wouldn't be easy.  There was no dog like Church.  He was definitely one of a kind.

It took years before getting another dog.  My living and work situation never really was suited for having someone to take care of and train, exercise and love.  When I did get another dog, they never measured up to my Church.  I always felt distant with them. I loved them and took care of them, but there was something missing between us.  That bond that normally should be there, was not.

I swore off dogs for the longest time.  I couldn't handle the thoughts of getting attached and losing them.  I didn't want to get another dog and for some reason, not feel that bond that typically instantly happens.

Eleven years ago, we got a call from a friend who said that a local church nearby had a baby play pen full of puppies and that we needed to go check them out.  On a whim, we headed down there and my heart sank and I knew I wasn't leaving there without one.  I was going to invest my heart and soul in to this puppy.  Max was the only shorthair out of the bunch and was just the cutest little thing.  His mama was pure Sharpei and the rest we never figured out. 

He was the perfect puppy.  He only twice went to the bathroom in the house and he only chewed on something once.  Within a couple months, he had free roam of the entire house and we never had a problem with him.

Over the years, he grew a bit grumpy.  Had a really bad experience at the vet and ever since then, he was leery of people in general, especially visits to the vet.  A the vet, he became the asshole.  Taking him there, caused so much anxiety in myself, I knew he fed off of it.  Steven typically had take over, while I went out to the waiting room. 

He was a dog that loved us both unconditionally and loved being around other dogs, but people in general was another story.  Once he got to know you though, everything was fine and you would be hard pressed to get him to leave you alone.

He became one of the many joys of my life. 

We thought moving to California might be difficult on the dogs, but we noticed within a few days that they both seemed so happy.  Especially Max.  His curved tail was standing back up, his hips were feeling better and for a dog with a heavy furry coat, he was loving the California temperatures.  No more stifling Texas heat. 

He seemed so happy. 

Fast forward to last Tuesday night, he and our Wolf Hound mix Oberon were in a mood.  Jumping around and playing so hard.  We had to eventually try and calm them down.  Max was excited and happy and everything seemed fine.  Around 9:30, he threw up his food.  This wasn't odd, because some times when they play hard and try to eat and drink a lot, their stomach doesn't stay settled and food can come right back up.  Then he did it again and I noticed at that time, he seemed a bit wobbly.  Something was wrong.

We helped him out to the back patio where it was cool and he almost immediately collapsed.  This was serious and I had that sinking feeling that at the age of 11 years, this might be it.  While holding, petting him and saying I loved him over and over, Steven was getting blankets for us to get him wrapped up and taken to the emergency vet. 

We knew what was happening by that point.  We wouldn't make it to the vet, and if we did, I don't think it would have made any difference.

While holding him in the back seat, he made one last attempt to get up, then went completely limp in my arms.  My baby had passed away. 

I'm completely heartbroken.  This past 6 days have been awful and just want to put it all behind me. I'll need time though.  I can't just jump back into getting another dog.  I need time to heal my heart. We both do.  I'll let the universe drop a dog in my lap one of these days.  Some day that will happen, but not right now. 

Right now I want to remember one of the best dogs in the world whom I miss dearly.

Love you Max.

 



Day at the Birch Aquarium

After going back and forth on what to do today, we settled on checking out the Birch Aquarium in La Jolla.  We started off too late in the day due to the dogs and flea situation (don't ask), so we only had a few hours to go out and play.  Sea World was our first choice, but for $79 each for a day pass, we needed a full day to get our money's worth.

The Aquarium isn't big and it's mostly an educational facility, but they had some nice exhibits and the view overlooking La Jolla was amazing.

For 18 bucks each, you could probably spend a max of 2 hours there.  If you have children, I could see you spending more time as they have a lot to do for children.  

A years membership wasn't so bad and not much for for the two of us, so we picked one up and plan on heading back a few more times.