I hate change....

The old adage, "You never know what you had, until it's gone" really has rang true for me the past couple months.  I'm not a proponent of change.  I hate change in all forms.  I'm old and get stuck in my ways and am stubborn as a mule when it comes to making those changes.

Says the man who up and quit his job, sold and packed up their house and moved across country to Southern California to start life over at the age of 51, with my pup of a husband who's only 41.

I should probably be more specific.  When it comes to my medical care and the doctors that I see, I hate change.  Despise it.  I don't like having to explain my past 30 years medical history someone all over again.  Making sure I'm not leaving out an detail, making sure I covered my basis and that they fully understand my many odd quirks, host of issues and multiple hangups.  Trust me, an initial visit with any doctor takes a while and they better sit back and get their pen and paper ready.  It's going to be a very long and bumpy ride.

I also don't like seeing a female doctors and I didn't want to see a straight one as a matter of fact.  I know, I know. But ass a gay man, I just have always felt more comfortable around another gay man, telling them all my problems whether it was extremely personal such as about my emotions and anxiety, or big issues like having to have open heart surgery or hip replacements.  Doctors cause me anxiety, no matter what kind they are and the more relaxed I am in the presence of a doctor, the better my experience will be going forward.

I was lucky to have two doctors in Dallas the past 30 years and they were more than doctors, they were friends.  People I became very close to.  My last doctor came to see me in the hospital, called me at home, emailed me to check in to see how I was doing.  He found my heart issue.  He made me to have my hips checked out.  He was there for many crucial points in my life.  I made a special point to see him before I moved an we hugged it out, while I cried.  It was like saying goodbye to my best friend or family member

Since moving here, finding the right doctor hasn't been easy.  It's been down right tough.  I have a few specialist I have to see and now, a primary care physician.  So many people to tell my long winded story of my health.

One specialist is not very personable, really young, and has a completely different way of practicing that I'm used too.  Not happy about the situation, but I'll see how it plays out over the next several months.  If I'm not happy, I'll move on.  Other specialists, I'll see over the next year.

But today, I got to meet my primary care physician that's close to home.  My story takes so long, we ran out of time today, but I think he got the gist of the situation at least.  I'm a mess medically speaking and I take a lot of pills. Let's get to work.

He wants to work with me to see if what I'm taking is still right for me and to see if there's something better, more suited to my needs.  He wants to get all files from all my doctors back in Dallas so we can go over things in more detail in a month.  He drew more blood, since obviously the 8 vials I gave a month ago that he has access too weren't enough, but that's ok.

He seems genuine, nice, friendly and truly wants to help me with my medical issues.

And get this..........he's straight.

I know!  See, I can change......

The Leucadia Art Walk

We happened to stumble upon the Leucadia Art Walk while driving to brunch in Encinita's.  To me, Leucadia has this laid back, artsy, hippy, tree hugger vibe to it with lots of acai stores, yoga places, stores selling tye-dyed shirts, seashells and dream catchers.  Home breweries and taco stands.  Surf board shops and dog stores.  It's very laid back.  No ones in a hurry, everyone's enjoying local bands, sipping beer, hanging out on a patio.  I could easily get used to this.

Steven and I can't pass up an Arts Festival.  I used to do the arts festival circuit when I was a glassblower, setting up a booth 10-15 times a summer selling my glass.  It was some of the best times of my life.  The places you get to go and the people you end up meeting.  Not only was I spending my life doing the one thing I love, but I got to talk about it all day, telling my story to anyone who would listen, and especially, to buy.

Because of our love of the arts, we've put together quite the collection over the years and today we added to it.  Planned on looking and came home with three pieces of art.  California and it's beaches are having an effect on what we buy already.  You can't go anywhere without things being themed to the beach in some way.  Couple of our pieces reflect that.

First one we bought was from Buzz Blodgett at Blodgett Glass.  His work reflects the breaking waves of San Diego beaches.  Beautiful yet really subtle piece with wonderful bubbles coming up from the bottom.

We then found the artis Jose Emroca Flores at Emroca who's work is so whimsical, yet dark.  We found his Pink Elephant to fit perfectly into our collection.  We have a couple pieces of fantasy vintage circus prints, with one that has a flying elephant that we bought last year.  I see a theme happening.

Last piece was the first one we saw when we started the Art Walk, but was too large and heavy to deal with if we purchased it right away.  Plus, it was a bit more money and wanted to think on it first.  It's stained/printed wood of ocean/sunset scapes.  Just beautiful colors and really simple.  His name is Shawn Thomas and works and surfs out of Huntington Beach.  

It's not like we need more artwork or even have room for that matter right now, but we somehow seem to find the way to make room.  These pieces I think will fit in nicely.

Especially when we get to purchase our first home and make it ours.

Allergy free? Um, no.....

Rule number one:  Always make sure to load up your body on as many antihistamines as possible, and stock up on face masks before visiting two botanical gardens, one of which had a lot of dust and dying plants, in one weekend.  Since last weekend, I've been so sick that I feel like I've a touch of pneumonia or something. 

Typically once or maybe twice a year, my allergies get so bad within a day or so, I'm congested, my head hurts, I can't breath, I'm sneezing, then coughing.  It all starts in the head and works it way down to the chest to where I feel like someone's sitting on it, making it hard to breathe.  Any little exertion and I'm about to pass out. 

This one hit Sunday night and by Monday morning, there was no way I was going into work.  I felt bad, because I've only been there a little over two months and I'm already taking time off for being sick.  Luckily, they've all been great and I've been able to work some of the days I'm able to even get out of bed. 

That's the thing about this stuff, it literally knocks me on my ass to where I cannot get out of bed.  One minute I'm shivering uncontrollably and the next I'm throwing off the covers and sweating enough to completely soak the bed sheets.  My whole body aches from head to toe. Just getting up to try and eat (which I have no appetite) or to shower takes a lot of work and I'm exhausted afterwards.  You would think I had bronchitis or pneumonia the way I was acting.  But no, it's just allergies that morph into something worse.

I was so excited when we moved to California that I had not one allergy problem since the day we got here.  No medications, no nose spray, not one sniffle, nothing.  I thought I was allergy free for the first time in most of my life.  Maybe I had found the land of no allergies!  No such luck. 

I still think my allergies might be better here, but let's just stay away from Botanical gardens for a while and go back to enjoying walks along the beach.

San Diego Botanical Gardens

We both love botanical gardens.  We can spend hours walking the trails and snapping tons of photographs.  It's so peaceful and beautiful.  Some are better than others.  Dallas had a beautiful one, but it was hit and miss depending on what time of year you went.  Spring Blooms was the best time to go and so was night time during Christmas.

We spent yesterday morning at the Self Realization Center Garden which was amazing.  So today, we decided to go to the San Diego Botanical Gardens in Encinitas.  I think a different time of year might be a better time to go such as early spring or maybe during the cooler months.  It was quite the work out, walking through all of the trails.

The garden isn't as manicured and perfect as some other gardens we've been to. This one seemed to be left more in the natural grown state and could have used a lot of dead tree and plant removal and general cleaning.

We went ahead and got a year membership for not much more than admission for the both of us for one day.  We'll be back another time when the garden is in full bloom.

Still, we got the chance to catch some nice shots.

Peaceful Garden over Heavens Ocean

Life continues to settle in our part of the world.  It's a nice living somewhere that has the look and feel of a small town.  Carlsbad has that, but within a short driving distance to get back in the thick of things like San Diego or Los Angeles.  We've found our favorite spots to eat, shop, to get groceries, see a movie.  We don't have far to travel to our favorite Friday night dining spot in Cardiff, or our weekly brunch at our favorite 101 Diner in Encinitas's. 

I frequently joke about the things that are difficult getting used to.  Completely first world problems.

I can't get used to calling every highway "the" 5 or "the"15.  It sounds silly.  At least we're not like Texas, where every highway goes by at least 3 names each. I screw up some a lot when people ask what route I took to get somewhere.  It just marks me big time as a newbie.

I can't get used to remember bringing bags with us to shop, especially for groceries.  Although, I don't think it will break our bank account at 10 cents a piece, but I might save a tree or two.  I recycle, but I'm far from a tree hugger.  Give me time, I'll get better at it. 

I'm still adjusting to the drastic changes in weather from where I work to where we live.  I leave work and it's 95 some days, and by the time I get home it's 72.  I'll never get used to not having air conditioning and will make sure that we have it in our first California home.  Opening windows and having fans is great and all, but there are times where need to crank the AC during the summer.  The times are just very few and far between.  We're just spoiled.  But it has been really nice the past few days of having temps be so cool, we're actually using a comforter at night to stay warm.  It's the middle of August guys. 

I thought that Texans were friendly and they really are, but I had it in my mind that we wouldn't have that out here as much.  Yes, I judged the people of California before we even got here.  I can't tell you how nice it is to see how friendly everyone is from your server, to people at the grocery store, to receptionists, people at work.  It's been a pleasant surprise.

I'll never get to the point where I can drive somewhere other than work without my GPS.  I can barely make it a few blocks to the grocery store by myself without getting turned around and lost.  Steven has this scary sense of direction and rarely gets lost, so he drives us everywhere.  Then again, he doesn't really allow me to drive.  I drive like an old lady I'm told.

The sunsets and ocean will never get tiring.  The beautiful plants, flowers and trees every where you look, never gets old.  After spending our weeks seeking out places to eat or shop and which were the best beaches, we stumbled upon the Self Meditation Realization Garden in Encinita's.  The building out front always intrigued me, but when we found out that the center has a garden that was open to the public, we had to head that way after breakfast.  It's considered one of the top 10 beach viewing areas in the area.

We both love botanical gardens of any kind.  It was a beautiful breezy morning and overcast.  The views from the cliff were stunning and the plants, trees and flowers  were lush and gorgeous.  It's another place we'll add to our list of places to visit frequently.  We even found out from someone at the center, that there's another Botanical Garden in Encinita's that will be added to our list of places to check out.

Speaking of lists, it can be a bit overwhelming living out here.  There's so much to see and do and I have constant feeling that we'll never even scratch the surface of what's out there to experience.  We have the rest of our lives out here to explore, so I'm having to learn patience.  Not one of my better qualities.

There's only so many hours during our weekends to fit things in, but excited to discover what our next unique find will be.

Not quite what I thought...

When we were in the planning stages of moving to California, I had pictured certain things in my mind and how life would be.  I played out scenarios constantly of what our lives would be like, down to every little detail.  I'm not honestly sure how I got to the point of thinking we'd be moving to some sort of Utopia or something, but what I had pictured and planned in my head, wasn't necessarily exactly what it turned out to be.

Don't get me wrong, before I continue I want to make it absolutely clear that we are very happy and love it here.  We're not going anywhere.  Life here is wonderful and I wouldn't change one thing about it.

I just have a very active imagination and I let it get the best of me sometimes.  I pictured life to be like our 4-5 day get aways to Disneyland, and it overshadowed the actual reality of working long hours, living our life day to day, paycheck, to paycheck.  Living here full time would not be like the euphoria visiting two times a year gave me.

The weather is everything one could hope for and we love every 70 degree sunny, slightly breezy day of it.  We love to be able to head down to the beaches just 6 miles away and spend a few hours walking along the sandy beaches and getting our feet wet, taking pictures along the way.  We've been able to go to Disneyland twice, which still hasn't sunk in yet.  We're already realized that living locally, has changed our Disney routine.

For right now, there's no more 4 day weekends at the parks, riding, resting, dining, and drinking.  We'll enjoy those days next year when we have accumulated more vacation days and plan ahead to use our DVC (timeshare) and be able to spend a few days like our vacations before.

Until then, we've learned that as a local, heading to Disneyland for a full 16 hour day is not possible anymore.  Hell, it wasn't possible before.  I'm 51 years old, both hips replaced, bad neck and back, and lastly only a year out from quadruple open heart bypass surgery.  I don't last long at the park.  Three or four hours and I'm tired, needing a rest.

Now, we head there and spend 5-6 hours walking, shopping, people watching, enjoying a cocktail or four in a bar.  We ride a few attractions, catch one or two of the evenings entertainment.  Spend a few bucks and go home.

So despite all of the ideas that floated around in my head for months before the more, I've learned quickly to love what we have, where we're at and what our lives have become.

I feel like a local now.

A Disney local.

A feeling of home...

The first time I left my home in Nebraska wasn't until I headed out for Grad School to the University of Kansas, to get my Masters degree in Glass.  I still can picture the day that my Mom and sister drove me to Lawrence Kansas, helped me unpack, ate lunch, then stood there in the parking lot seeing which one of us was going to cry first.  I think it was me. It's always me.  There rest followed suit the minute I started letting the flood gates go. 

Being homesick was something that lasted for quite a while initially.

Once I moved to Kansas City, my homesickness had gone away by then.  I was able to get home pretty easily with only a 4-5 hour drive.  I could go home monthly most of the time.  I still visited Lawrence a lot to see friends, which made the whole transition easier.

Moving to Dallas, although not an easy thing since change for me is one of the hardest things for me to deal with, was not as bad since two of my best friends were moving with me.  I would miss Kansas City, but things had changed, friendships dissolved.  It wasn't the same and never would be again.  It was time to move.

Move forward 25 years and I'm living comfortably in Dallas with the man I love and adore in our beautiful home, with a great support system of family and friends.  Leaving all of that to come to California was the single most mentally and emotionally difficult thing to do. 

Since arriving in California, we jumped right into a routine.  Getting to know the area, eating out probably more than we should, driving around various areas on the weekends.  Anything to get ourselves to a sense of normalcy. 

I need structure.  I need familiarity.  I need stableness. 

But the one thing that started showing up about two weeks ago, was home sickness.  I knew it would come eventually.  But not just for what and who we left behind in Dallas, but even for my home back in Nebraska.  I was no longer just an 8 hour drive home to see my Mama and family.  I was, as she puts it, half way across the country.  Even though I could be on an expensive plane ticket home and be there faster than driving, there was this distance and an unfamiliarity with her, that caused her to miss me terribly, which of course makes me, her baby, feel homesick too. 

Knowing I had Steven's parents just a short 40 minute drive away give me comfort.  We would meet for lunch or dinner often, cook outs at the house, and just overall time with family.  Especially during the holidays.

Homesickness hit hard.  For the most part, like I do with most of my emotions, I kept well hidden if I can.  It was hitting for Steven too.  This past weekend, we've had the joy of having Steven's parents visiting and staying with us, despite having no air conditioning.  It's been so nice to have some familiarity back.  We've spent our time showing them the sites, taking them for drinks and dinner in San Diego, days and sunsets at the beach, and taking them to our local weekly Mexican/Margarita/beach spot.

It's been nice to have a feeling of home for a chance, even if only for a few days.

Las Olas, anyone?

If you know anything about myself or especially the entire Floyd family, we love our TexMex.  Steven and his family could eat it daily if possible.  Don't stand in the way of their TexMex and Margarita's.  Over the past 11 years with Steven, I've learned to love the food even more than I had before.  You do that when you're forced to eat it more than normal. 

But TexMex is it's own unique thing.  You won't find it anywhere else but Texas. 

I remember when I left Nebraska, I had to get used to not having Valentino's, Runza or Taco John's just down the street.  Any Non-Nebraskan would have no clue as to what I'm talking about. Moving to California, meant leaving our beloved TexMex and most of all Queso, behind.

Mexican food in California is different.  It's still very good and sometimes great, but it's not TexMex.  It's just not slathered in sauces, gooey cheese and spicy.  There's no such thing as a bowl of chips and queso.  They'll look at you like you have two heads, if you ask for a bowl. 

My first week here, when my company flew me out to work to get a head start, I was taken to a hole in the wall, right across the street from the ocean.  The food is amazing and the staff are friendly.  You literally walk across the street, climb over some really big rocks without killing yourself and you're on the sandy beaches of Cardiff.  If you're lucky when you're sipping hand made strong margarita's during your 30 minutes to an hour long wait, you might get a table out on the patio.  Pure heaven.

So this has become our Friday spot.  We've gone every Friday since we moved.  So much, that the manager knows us by name (second visit) and makes it a point to come over and say hello, see how things are going and that we're ok.

So the part of moving to a new city, finding your eatin' spot and feeling like a local didn't take long.  Soon, I expect them to call out our names when we walk in the door, just like in Cheers.

Speaking of which, Cheers!

The Ocean

All those years growing up going to California and not once that I can remember, did we ever take time to stop and go to the ocean.  Not for a day or even an hour just to experience it.  Not sure how we managed to do that for all those years. My parents weren't big on outdoor activities and seeing the ocean was never a top priority.  Not that the trips to California weren't great.  What kid doesn't enjoy spending part of the trips at amusement and theme parks?

Living in Texas, we had the Gulf.  Which I think was my first time seeing a body of water larger than a lake.  Although nice, the hot humid weather and brown, cloudy water didn't make much of an impression.  It just wasn't the same as all the beautiful pictures I had seen.

I think the first time to see the ocean was my first trip to San Diego over 12 years ago.  Hard to believe it took so long.  Always got close to a beach, but never stepped foot on it.

I was so anxious and excited as we drove to the beach on Coronado Island.  Just seeing the ocean as we drove over the bridge to the island, gave me chills.  That first time taking off my shoes and walking on the sandy beach of Coronado Island actually brought tears to my eyes and I cried.  I felt overwhelmed.  I've never been able to explain what standing on the shores of a beautiful beach, especially at sunset, does to me and how it makes me feel.  All my anxiety washes away.  Not a care in the world.  Standing there listening to the sounds of the waves, the smell of the sea and the feeling of sand between your toes.

Although I will admit, that once we're done and walking back to the car, my OCD kicks in and the sand on my feet drives me nuts and I need it to be off and clean my feet.  I never said my mind made any sense.

It was one of the many things that my husband and I had in common.  We found out that we both have that same urge to be near an ocean and it provided us the same feelings.  Just one more thing that makes our relationship work like it does.

Our very first day in California together was spent at the ocean for a short time. We couldn't wait to get there. Every chance we get since then and the days, months and years to come, will be driving down Pacific Coast Highway finding that new beach we have yet to explore.  An adventure yet to be tested, will probably include the dogs.  I have no idea what they would be like at a beach. It will be wonderful to see their reaction.  I hope it's filled with amazement, like it is for us.

Until then, I hope you don't mine seeing a lot more of pictures of our times on the beach.  

Seriously, what possessed us?

The idea about moving to California wasn't something that was dreamed up on a whim and contrary to popular belief it wasn't 100% about being close to Disneyland, although that is one of the main perks I will admit.  There were a host of reasons that lead to our decision to uproot out lives and head west.

It had been a dream of ours since the day we met 11 years ago.  Steven had a chance to live in Northern California for a few years, so he had a taste of what it was like. I grew up  going on family vacations to California  almost yearly, so my love for California and all things west coast started early on. Disneyland of course, became something ingrained in me and that love of all things Disney, started early on as well.  It wasn't until later in my life did that passion for Disney reach nerd/dork/obsessed levels. 

(You have to love a kid in a stupid hat with a 3 foot feather, wearing platform shoes at the age of 10)

Fast forward, and you get to last year and the big event.  The past three years hadn't been that great for me health wise.  Both hips replaced, neck fusion surgery, quadruple bypass surgery and just for shits and grins, a last minute appendectomy.  But it all got me to the point of thinking to myself, if we're going to make a drastic change and live out our dream to move to Southern California, we need to do it now.  Nothing like bypass surgery to wake you up, make you feel vulnerable, stir up lots of emotions, feel like your time is limited.  You name the emotion, I was feeling it.  It was also something that not only I had to go through, but my husband went through so much emotional turmoil during that time as well.  It was just as hard on him, as it was on me. 

You combine the life changing health event, our love for all things California, Steven spending most of his entire life in Texas and me spending the past 25 years there, drastic changes to the political climate and the ridiculously hot weather, we were starting to produce a list of reasons why we wanted to move, and fewer reasons why we should stay.  Throw in moving to somewhere where the weather is near perfect year around and living close to the most beautiful beaches, the ocean and of course being an hour away from Disneyland, it became an easy decision.  Let's see if we can make this happen.  To me, it was now or never.

Then I started asking myself, "What had we gotten ourselves into?"

I'm 51 years old now.  I don't like change.  I'm stuck in my ways.  I get very comfortable and complacent.  I needed to throw out my old ways. Now was the time to take advantage of the situation, when I get the notion to move.

After a really bad week at work back in January, I felt tired and fed up.  I made a random call to someone I worked with while working at Bank of America and asked if they were hiring.  Before you know it, I was having phone conversations with various people, including the president of the company.  I let Steven know and the same thing happened.  Within a few days, he had contacts and options.  Few weeks later, I was flying out for interviews and we were planning on a trip back for Steven to interview as well.

That's when things got a little crazy.  He got a job offer and I'm sitting there waiting on mine.  Bigger corporations take longer on these things.  Within a two month period, we interviewed, got confirmations of intent to hire, put our house on the market and was looking for a place to live.  Was this really happening?

I look back and that entire time was a blur.  My mind tends to shut down in times of high anxiety and stress and this whole experience was one of the most stressful times of my life.  Before we knew it our house was sold, we were packing and we had to leave for California on July 1st and settle into our new temporary home on the 2nd.  Life was getting real and changing fast.

I felt like we left in such a hurry.  Having dinner with a few friends and spending time with family as much as we could.  Hardest part of moving away, was leaving family behind.  Still makes us both homesick.

Our friend Stacie graciously offered to come with us as we drove across country, to help keep us company and drive one of our cars.  We spent our first night in a hotel close to the ocean, ate some amazing Mexican food (which has become our weekly spot where management knows our name) and drank a handful of margarita's.  We ended the night with hanging out on the beach.  It was a perfect start to our new life here. 

Some say the ocean has healing properties. The ocean calms my soul, relaxes my senses and transports me away from all of life's problems.

Kind of like the salt smelling, wet, sandy version of Disneyland.

We found home.

A reason to come back

Most people who know me today, probably don't know that when blogs first started to become popular, I jumped on the bandwagon full force.  It was during a time, where they were starting to become more popular, but it felt like it was a small, tight knit community.  We quickly formed friendships and very close bonds, but I feel it's inevitable when you're reading about peoples lives day in and day out.

We even went as far as to start meeting in person, visiting one another and even holding blogger meet ups in New York City.  Amazing times, with memories to last a lifetime and securing friendships that would come to last as long.  I'm still friends with a handful from those days.

I shared stories from my past ranging from my earliest memories as a child growing up in the Nebraska, the ups and downs of school, random thoughts or what was currently going on in my life at the time.  I was an open book and a lot of people seemed to want to read it.

I felt I got to the point in my life where I had nothing more to say.  I've looked back at the historical records I saved from my blog and at times I cringe.  I could go from being heartfelt or funny, to downright embarrassing, thinking, "Did I actually write that?"  The desire to write left me and I couldn't get it back.

You would have thought with all the things the past ten years of my life with my husband, that I would have so much to write about.  There's been so many experiences that we've gone through, from planning and having a Disney wedding, all the way to going through open heart bypass surgery.  But I just didn't have it in me.  Facebook became where I shared bits and pieces of our lives, in a few sentences and photo's.

It hasn't been until we made the decision to move to Southern California, did I feel that I have something to say.  I wanted to write again.  Our lives have changed so drastically over the past month.  Life is coming at us full force from all sides and the road to get where we are and where we're going, I feel is worth telling in a longer format than Facebook and Twitter.  I want to capture peoples attention for longer than a few moments.

The experiences that these two Texans will be having in our own version of paradise, I hope will inspire me to write for a while.

So using a beautiful line from one of my favorite songs, welcome to Postcards From Heaven's Ocean.