A feeling of home...

The first time I left my home in Nebraska wasn't until I headed out for Grad School to the University of Kansas, to get my Masters degree in Glass.  I still can picture the day that my Mom and sister drove me to Lawrence Kansas, helped me unpack, ate lunch, then stood there in the parking lot seeing which one of us was going to cry first.  I think it was me. It's always me.  There rest followed suit the minute I started letting the flood gates go. 

Being homesick was something that lasted for quite a while initially.

Once I moved to Kansas City, my homesickness had gone away by then.  I was able to get home pretty easily with only a 4-5 hour drive.  I could go home monthly most of the time.  I still visited Lawrence a lot to see friends, which made the whole transition easier.

Moving to Dallas, although not an easy thing since change for me is one of the hardest things for me to deal with, was not as bad since two of my best friends were moving with me.  I would miss Kansas City, but things had changed, friendships dissolved.  It wasn't the same and never would be again.  It was time to move.

Move forward 25 years and I'm living comfortably in Dallas with the man I love and adore in our beautiful home, with a great support system of family and friends.  Leaving all of that to come to California was the single most mentally and emotionally difficult thing to do. 

Since arriving in California, we jumped right into a routine.  Getting to know the area, eating out probably more than we should, driving around various areas on the weekends.  Anything to get ourselves to a sense of normalcy. 

I need structure.  I need familiarity.  I need stableness. 

But the one thing that started showing up about two weeks ago, was home sickness.  I knew it would come eventually.  But not just for what and who we left behind in Dallas, but even for my home back in Nebraska.  I was no longer just an 8 hour drive home to see my Mama and family.  I was, as she puts it, half way across the country.  Even though I could be on an expensive plane ticket home and be there faster than driving, there was this distance and an unfamiliarity with her, that caused her to miss me terribly, which of course makes me, her baby, feel homesick too. 

Knowing I had Steven's parents just a short 40 minute drive away give me comfort.  We would meet for lunch or dinner often, cook outs at the house, and just overall time with family.  Especially during the holidays.

Homesickness hit hard.  For the most part, like I do with most of my emotions, I kept well hidden if I can.  It was hitting for Steven too.  This past weekend, we've had the joy of having Steven's parents visiting and staying with us, despite having no air conditioning.  It's been so nice to have some familiarity back.  We've spent our time showing them the sites, taking them for drinks and dinner in San Diego, days and sunsets at the beach, and taking them to our local weekly Mexican/Margarita/beach spot.

It's been nice to have a feeling of home for a chance, even if only for a few days.