Happy Anniversary punkin'

Three years ago on December 5th, my future husband and I headed to city hall to get our marriage license.  It took a total of only 4 minutes and we walked out with our license.  It was the beginning of something very special, that concluded in one of the most magical weddings and experiences I could have ever imagined.  Standing next to the man I love more than anything in this world and surrounded by our wonderful family and friends.

We started our journey 11 years ago. It was a complicated relationship in the beginning.  But the love we felt almost immediately has notlessened at all.  It was one of those love at first sight situations, where we didn't want it to end and we both knew there was no going back.  

I'm a very lucky man.

We used to talk about marriage some over the years, saying that it wasn't for us.  I honestly think that the political atmosphere and it not being legal, dampened our hopes, because when the state of California passed marriage equality, we decided that it was something we wanted to do.  Only a few months after our marriage, did the law of the land change and it was legal everywhere and would be legal back home in Texas.  

We were lucky enough to be given a Disneyland Fairy Tale Wedding at the place we love the most.  It's a weekend that I will never forget.  After months of meetings, phone calls and paperwork, our weekend finally came.  We were again lucky enough to be surrounded by so many family members and friends.  Around 80 people total, which is quite a lot for a destination wedding.  

I think getting to go to Disneyland probably helped. 

We had the best Disney Wedding planning team that made the entire experience leading up the wedding seamless.  The day of the wedding went so smooth, you really didn't have to do anything but show up at the right time.  Our photographer and videographer were the best.  They both captured our day perfectly. 

I always worry about my memory and losing the details of that amazing weekend.  I'm always going through photographs and watching our video over and over, so I don't lose anything.  Ever year that passes, I want to make sure that I'm not forgetting a thing.  

I relive the day as much as I can.

Happy Anniversary punkin'. 

Holidays

Back in Dallas, the holidays were a very special time of year.  We spent a lot of time with family for Thanksgiving and we went out separate ways during Christmas to each spend with our respected families. We occasionally had a Christmas party, and spent the month decorating every inch of our house, having dinners with friends, lots of shopping, exchanging gifts, driving around to see the lights. 

It was a very festive time of year with friends and family and we had such a wonderful seasonal routine that I loved.

We knew that moving to California, would provide some challenges around the holidays.  No longer are we able to fly back for Thanksgiving since a month later, we have Christmas.  We have to make choices as to which holiday we would miss.  I know that from my standpoint, I can't miss a holiday home with my Mom and family, even though now a days there's only a handful of us that come back.   Steven's the same why.  It's tough missing a Christmas away from family.

Maybe when we're both rich, we can afford to go home both holidays. 

Thanksgiving was our first taste of what the holidays would be like here, at least for now.  We had a few offers to go to friends houses for dinner, but we decided that this first year we would just stay at home.  Next year we can talk about who's house to visit.  We headed to the local Von's Deli and picked up some already prepared turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and rolls.  It took us 15 minutes to heat it up and the clean up even less.  Although we missed the full day of cooking (don't miss the hours of cleanup), the dinner was good and we enjoyed just relaxing. 

Still, it wasn't quite the same.  Luckily, we had my husbands parents and best friend in the weekend before, so we got to spend some quality time with them. 

Christmas is a whole other story.  Now, money has to be saved for flights home, time has to be taken off from work, dog has to be boarded and even the gifts we buy have to be able to fit in our carryon, or we have to ship them all to our destination.  Everyone's getting tiny gifts or gift certificates.  They travel well. 

Our house is usually decked with multiple trees, garland everywhere and every flat space has some sort of holiday stuff.  It looks like Christmas threw up in our house.  We enjoy taking a few weeks in November getting the house ready and showing off what we've done.  We take pride in what we put together and enjoy the decorations for as long as we can.  This year?  We put up one Disney tree in the living room, covered in all of our Disney ornaments we've collected over the years.  The tree makes us both happy. 

We're renting for now, so it doesn't feel like home.  As much as we've tried to make it a home, it's not ours.  It's much smaller than we're used to, so we don't have the room to put out all we want.  It's tough with so much stored away to even find anything.  I think all of this has put a damper on our holiday spirit. 

We have a full month ahead of us, so I'm hoping we can start some of our own traditions and make this place feel more like home during the holidays.

First Weekend in Palm Springs

It's been about 15 years, but I've been able to visit Palm Springs a few times.  I remember it always being such a fun place to visit, with very friendly people, great restaurants, fun bars and a city with such a rich history, including so much mid century modern, which is something we both love so much.

Thanks to the generosity of a very good friend, we had the use of his gorgeous house and pool.  We couldn't have asked for anything better.  Although, we found our first visit to PS spending most of our days and nights out in the city. 

We weren't home 30 minutes before we headed out to a restaurant that I ate at before called Blue Coyote Grill for some really good Mexican food and margarita's.  Even when we're out of town, we still have to have our Friday M&M.

We walked down Palm Canyon and headed to Tonga Hut, a local Tiki Bar.  Although not as immersive as I'd like for my Tiki Bar's, they had great staff and drinks.  I found out after the fact, that they have this secret room.  All I was told, was to go into the phone booth.  If we only had the chance to go back during the weekend and check it out again to find this hidden room.  There's three Tiki Bar's and somehow we only made it to one.  Good thing we plan on coming back.

After one cocktail, we headed to the gay bars and checked out the Toolshed, but once we found out that Spurlines had Showtunes night, headed there for a night of singing to our favorite tunes.  The whole nightlife reminded us of the bars and our time in Dallas in the '90's.  Such a great time.

Saturday was spent having breakfast at Cheeky's which was pretty good if you don't mind a very long wait.  We then went shopping along Palm Canyon Drive, spending more money than we expected.  So much stuff we wanted. We settled for new sunglasses! Again....

 We had reservations at Tropicale that night for dinner.  Reminds me of an old 1960's supper club, without the live music.  Amazing american food, great cocktails and the waitstaff was wonderful. It's also blatantly obvious place for gay men to hang out for dinner.  We took up half the restaurant.  

We ended the night with more showtunes at QuadZ, then headed home so we could be up early for our last day.

We had no plans on Sunday, so we headed to the Tramway for a trip up the San Jacinto Mountain range.  Steven does not like heights, but he did good. All the anxiety was totally worth it he said, once we got up to the top to see all the gorgeous views.

I fell in love all over again with Palm Springs, and Steven fell in love with it for the first time.  

We'll definitely be back.

Max

This blog was created to be a place to document our lives in California.  Although, I'd like all posts to be about our fun new adventures, life doesn't always play fair.  Have to share the good with the bad.

Losing a pet is difficult.  To be honest, it's painful as hell.  For most of us, it's like losing a member of your family, as these little fury bundles of joy are your family. 

Last Tuesday the 3rd at around 9:30pm, we lost our Max to what the vet believes to have been a stroke, that took his live within minutes. 

It's been almost a week and I can now talk or think about him without breaking down and crying.  I slip up and call Oberon, Max or I see his food/water bowl that's been moved to the garage and I get choked up.  We go for a walk with Oberon and I don't have Max on a leash.  We went to the dog beach and dog park with Oberon, and Max wasn't with us.  That's when I have my most trouble.  I still hear his nails clicking on the floor, his grunts and groans as he lays down, or his constant heavy panting.  It's all in my head, but at times I swear I hear him.  I know all of this won't be going any anytime soon.

I haven't had many pets in my lifetime.  We had family dogs growing up, but they were outside dogs that were mostly my fathers.  My brothers and sister had dogs, but I never got close to any of them.  My first dog all to myself, was a beautiful Chow named Church.  I only had him a few years.  He died of heat exhaustion one hot summer afternoon.  That day nearly crushed me.  Recovering from him wouldn't be easy.  There was no dog like Church.  He was definitely one of a kind.

It took years before getting another dog.  My living and work situation never really was suited for having someone to take care of and train, exercise and love.  When I did get another dog, they never measured up to my Church.  I always felt distant with them. I loved them and took care of them, but there was something missing between us.  That bond that normally should be there, was not.

I swore off dogs for the longest time.  I couldn't handle the thoughts of getting attached and losing them.  I didn't want to get another dog and for some reason, not feel that bond that typically instantly happens.

Eleven years ago, we got a call from a friend who said that a local church nearby had a baby play pen full of puppies and that we needed to go check them out.  On a whim, we headed down there and my heart sank and I knew I wasn't leaving there without one.  I was going to invest my heart and soul in to this puppy.  Max was the only shorthair out of the bunch and was just the cutest little thing.  His mama was pure Sharpei and the rest we never figured out. 

He was the perfect puppy.  He only twice went to the bathroom in the house and he only chewed on something once.  Within a couple months, he had free roam of the entire house and we never had a problem with him.

Over the years, he grew a bit grumpy.  Had a really bad experience at the vet and ever since then, he was leery of people in general, especially visits to the vet.  A the vet, he became the asshole.  Taking him there, caused so much anxiety in myself, I knew he fed off of it.  Steven typically had take over, while I went out to the waiting room. 

He was a dog that loved us both unconditionally and loved being around other dogs, but people in general was another story.  Once he got to know you though, everything was fine and you would be hard pressed to get him to leave you alone.

He became one of the many joys of my life. 

We thought moving to California might be difficult on the dogs, but we noticed within a few days that they both seemed so happy.  Especially Max.  His curved tail was standing back up, his hips were feeling better and for a dog with a heavy furry coat, he was loving the California temperatures.  No more stifling Texas heat. 

He seemed so happy. 

Fast forward to last Tuesday night, he and our Wolf Hound mix Oberon were in a mood.  Jumping around and playing so hard.  We had to eventually try and calm them down.  Max was excited and happy and everything seemed fine.  Around 9:30, he threw up his food.  This wasn't odd, because some times when they play hard and try to eat and drink a lot, their stomach doesn't stay settled and food can come right back up.  Then he did it again and I noticed at that time, he seemed a bit wobbly.  Something was wrong.

We helped him out to the back patio where it was cool and he almost immediately collapsed.  This was serious and I had that sinking feeling that at the age of 11 years, this might be it.  While holding, petting him and saying I loved him over and over, Steven was getting blankets for us to get him wrapped up and taken to the emergency vet. 

We knew what was happening by that point.  We wouldn't make it to the vet, and if we did, I don't think it would have made any difference.

While holding him in the back seat, he made one last attempt to get up, then went completely limp in my arms.  My baby had passed away. 

I'm completely heartbroken.  This past 6 days have been awful and just want to put it all behind me. I'll need time though.  I can't just jump back into getting another dog.  I need time to heal my heart. We both do.  I'll let the universe drop a dog in my lap one of these days.  Some day that will happen, but not right now. 

Right now I want to remember one of the best dogs in the world whom I miss dearly.

Love you Max.

 



Day at the Birch Aquarium

After going back and forth on what to do today, we settled on checking out the Birch Aquarium in La Jolla.  We started off too late in the day due to the dogs and flea situation (don't ask), so we only had a few hours to go out and play.  Sea World was our first choice, but for $79 each for a day pass, we needed a full day to get our money's worth.

The Aquarium isn't big and it's mostly an educational facility, but they had some nice exhibits and the view overlooking La Jolla was amazing.

For 18 bucks each, you could probably spend a max of 2 hours there.  If you have children, I could see you spending more time as they have a lot to do for children.  

A years membership wasn't so bad and not much for for the two of us, so we picked one up and plan on heading back a few more times.  

Five in Three....

Anyone who's followed me long enough or who are friends and family, know that the past 3-4 years medically speaking, have been pretty rough.  I'm someone who grew up getting sick often since the day I was born.  My mom tells stories of how many times I was in the hospital before the age of six with pneumonia or bronchitis.  That life carried through into my college and graduate school days.

I made it through my 30's with no issues.  My 40's hit and age starts reminding you that you aren't 21 years old anymore.  It gets harder to get up and it's always accompanied with grunts and groans, you don't recover quickly from a night of cocktails, and you find yourself having to go to cardiologists, urologists, nephrologists, endocrinologist and a host of other -ologists depending on the ailment.  No longer could I just go to one doctor, but had a slew of them on speed dial.

During my 40's, my cholesterol and triglycerides started creeping up to dangerous levels. Kidney functions were never perfect and always just a bit off.  Liver functions weren't quite normal.  Blood pressure started creeping up and up over time.  Getting old wasn't going like I had hoped.  I'm not even listing out all the health issues.  Some I keep private, others just add to an ever growing list that's just depressing.

It wasn't until my late 40's, did everything go to hell.  It started off with finding out that I had joint issues and that my hips were deteriorating.  I had let them go so far that one had collapsed.  Had one hip replaced, then the other the next year.  It was on it's way out, so we took care of it before it got worse.  Two years of my life was spent in recovery.  Lower back and neck problems also set in around this time and before you know it, I was scheduled to have my neck fused.  Removed the disk and replaced it with bone from my hip.  Three surgeries, three years.

I was a year out from hip and neck surgery and things had felt great, or so I had thought.  I noticed that I was having this odd pain sensation in my inner ear, jawline and down my neck.  Especially when I over exerted myself.  I had been having these sensations for a few years.  First time I noticed that it was worse than normal was when I came home one day and found that one of the dogs had gotten sick all over the carpet.  Cleaning the rug for 15 minutes, caused me enough pain and exhaustion to put me in bed for a couple hours. 

It wasn't until a trip to Disneyland in June of 2016 that things got even worse.  I couldn't walk very far around the park without holding my neck and being in pain.  I brushed it off as nothing and kept on going.  Nothing was going to ruin our trip to Disneyland.  We found ourselves sitting a lot and resting, all because of me.  Just making it back to the hotel was difficult and immediately put me in bed for a few hours.  That's when Steven sternly said, "You've got to have that checked out once we get back". I agreed.

So I did.  My Doctor back in Dallas, whom I adore and miss dearly, was the one who immediately did an EKG that showed at some point I had mild heart attacks and there was minor damage to my heart.  Four days later, I was in a hospital for quadruple bypass surgery.

The images below (one is a little graphic as a warning and have never shared) are something that I will always keep to remind me why I have to take care of myself. Not just for me, but for my husband, my family and my friends.  Sometimes we become selfish when it comes to our health.  Your health just isn't about you.  It affects everyone you love and those that love you back. 

 Few hours after waking up

Had more IV's in me than thought imaginable.  How they kept them all straight...

 The absolute worst part was 4 the chest tubes.  Once those were out, the difference was amazing.

Two days after surgery and a half smile

I look at these photo's often.  It's probably not be the best thing to do and obsessing about it does no good, but the thoughts of ever going back to that state and going through it again, scares the ever living crap out of me.  It's enough to scare me into trying to eating healthy, exercising more and helps me to give the occasional mini-lecture to loved ones and friends about taking care of yourself.

And just for kicks and giggles, two weeks after being back at work, I rushed myself to hospital in the middle of a work day only to find out my appendix needed to be removed immediately.

Five surgeries, three years.

So, why am I blabbing on and on about all this when most have heard these stories, or was there by my side every step of the way and know all this?  It's sure as hell not for attention sympathy.  I hate sympathy.  I'm a big boy and have dealt with every problem that's come my way.  I'll continue handling what life throws at you as long as I can.

I'm writing this because since my open bypass surgery a year ago, every time I turn around, a handful of friends and acquaintances of mine are going or went through the exact same thing.  All around my age.  I've had a couple friends die unexpectedly from heart attacks.  All around my age.  I've had a couple friends die from cancer.

All around my age. The latest one a few days ago, got off a roller coaster and died immediately.  No prior heart conditions that they knew of.

I'm a worry wart to begin with, so having so many around me get sick, or die or go through life changing surgeries, makes a person think.  Not a day goes by where I don't think about my condition.  I think about it when I'm eating.  I think about it when I have a slight pain or twinge anywhere on my body.  I think about it mostly when a close friend has to go into surgery or passes away.

I'm working on my obsession and my fear.  Change with me takes time.  I'll get there.  But all of this makes a man think about his mortality and how quickly it can be taken away.

I'm writing all of this in hopes to make people take care of themselves.  Go in for regular check ups.  Have your heart checked out.  Guys, have your prostate checked.  Have an upper/lower GI's done.  If nothings wrong at the moment, go in for a routine physical every year.  This goes for the ladies too.  Y'all aren't immune to any of this.  Its also a reminder to me to never forget.

If everyone got regular check ups, maybe some of these problems would be caught early, or even prevented.

I'm just tired of losing people close to me.